I've been neglectful of my blog. Honestly I've been neglectful of a lot of things. I need to send out thank you cards- I have 2 here that simply need stamps and I've not done a thing with them.
I think I'm depressed. But I really don't want therapy. I don't want pills. I just want things to not be as they are. I want my family to quit worrying themselves sick about me. I just ton't want to think- which is probably one of the many reasons I sleep a LOT. I FEEL tired. Really. I take one of my many anti-nausea pills and I'm ready to hit the sack for an hour or five.
bah.
Okay- so it's been a somewhat eventful week... finding a costume for myself, Vera and the husband. Iris has wanted to be Ariel for weeks now. Check.
We did Zombie Night in town but my usually macabre' daughter wasn't digging it as much as I thought she would, so the stay was short. (And we've had an extra in bed with us for a few nights now.) I really like doing neat food for Halloween parties so I put a little effort into that for Iris' preschool party- some meringue ghosts, cookies and swamp juice... it was mostly the boys who took care of that. :)
Tomorrow is the costume party we go to every year- my favorite!! I am going as Lucille Ball, The husband is Rorschach (sp?) from the Watchmen and Vera is a garden gnome... SO cute! I'm doing mozzerella ball eyeballs. We'll see how that goes. Last year I did breadstick bones, they didn't come out so well. I figure I'm not baking anything with the mozz balls that I can't screw up THAT bad.
Tomorrow is also Iris' soccer finale'. Three games and trophies. She did pretty well for not having a clue at first. I guess ballet is next. I can't decide ballet or gymnastics... just something fun for her to do. You get psycho parents with either... you know the ones: "GET IN THERE AND EXCEL!!!! YOU MUST BE PERFECT!!!" ugh.. Had a couple of THOSE parents with one of the kids on Iris' soccer team. And the kid was stealing the ball from teammates to score a goal. Sad really. Let them be kids for goodness sakes.
I digress.
Tomorrow night is also the much awaited trick or treat. New town, new neighborhood. We'll see how it goes. I always have high hopes, but lately it's turned out like my Halloween food. :)
The girls lately have been great except for fighting Iris at bedtime. I notice Vera becoming more attached to me, calling for me more, asking for me more and wanting to just be around me more. It really does wonders for me. She runs to me with arms out, she just walks up to me randomly with hands up saying "Hug too" and she's been saying "Love you too" for a little more than a month or so. That's about the most I could ask for. I get to snuggle with Iris so I feel a closeness with her that I hadn't felt with Vera until lately. Family life is about the best it can be.
It's times like this that make me worry the most.
It's bad enough that I'm very possibly going to lose my husband to this disease, but I've often tried to imagine what it would be like if I'd had something like this when my girls were little. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to consider even the remote possibility of leaving them. I'm so moved by how you continue to make memories with and for them and how you keep your heart open to the snuggles and closeness with them. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I wish you continuing warmest and even joyful times with your girls. ~ Keren
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