Monday, April 26, 2010

So sue me.

I slept the day away..... again. But I VOW to be running around alike a headless chicken tomorrow. Lots to do this week. it goes a little something like this.
1. Call insurance company and ask where the hell my disability check is.
2. Call Columbus Oncologist about gracing him with my presence and the honor of treating this beauty.
3. Solicit more sponsor money for Relay for Life shirts to be made quickly.
4. Find a t-shirt printer to do it on the cheap.
5. get to my dad's house to sort through all the "other" stuff that we have in storage so I can get rid of most of it for a yard sale we're having here on Friday. (A Relay for Life fundraiser or I would say no go.
6. Turn in application forms for the girls to be "Little Miss Relay" contestants. A-hem... no makeup thank you very much.
7. Oh yeah- watch Lost and V tomorrow night.... yeah- so the list isn't chronological.
8. Schedule and get Vera to a 'Well Baby' checkup.
9. Get the 2 lawns cut.
10. Tons of laundry and rearranging furniture.

I'm sure there is more in there but I don't have my 'to do' list right in front of me.

All this planning for the Relay and other 'lifely' (not lively) things makes me think.
I see on TV where people given a crappy diagnosis go out and "Live life to the fullest." How on earth do you do that when you've got day to day responsibilities that are hard enough to take care of?

I will say that my sister and I are kinda planning something for Memorial Day weekend. We don't know what yet, but SOMETHING. Mommy guilt says I should spend that time with my girls. But I do have to do something for myself besides getting an eyebrow wax. (Add that to my list because these things are getting outta control)

We were thinking Tennessee, Chicago, New Orleans, New York or just good 'ol West Virginia whitewater rafting. Though it may be a little cold for me.

Any ideas? Gotta be affordable and all. But fun. You know- taking life by the whatevers.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Feeling my Oats

That sounds dirty, but I mean I've got a bit of energy today. I think it's the Claritin I took for the nasty cold I'm getting. I know- Claritin is for allergies, but it does wonders for me when I have a cold.
Heading to Columbus with my sister today for her Oncologist appointment. I guess she's having the total hysterectomy... her choice. Because the Onc said that for all intents and purposes- she's clear because the surgery got the tumor. But since she's got Lynch Syndrome too- her chances of uterine cancer are 40-60% and she doesn't want to risk it.
I count my blessings that I've got my girls. I feel bad that she will not have babies of her own. She will make a great adoptive mother though. She doesn't want to hear that (I don't think she even reads this blog) but I know she will.
I wouldn't trade my girls for "no cancer." I can't even imagine.
Even though this morning has been trying with the two of them this morning, I try to freeze frame every moment.
I would like a day off, however. Not from the girls- but from the mere KNOWLEDGE that I have cancer. Yeah, that'll happen.
Until they can perscribe me a pill for that, I'll just find creative ways to escape.... like watching "RuPauls Drag Race." :P

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Making my comeback.

On Blogspot, that is. I finally have internet in my new house and am connected again. So much to say when I think about it but when I log on to "talk"............. nothing.
Our Wheelchair Basketball Game was a bust. We made money- but just barely. Thanks to 2 $100 donations from kick-ass individuals. Otherwise it would not have been good. The game itself was VERY entertaining and I thank the Wheelers for playing.... as well as the guys on our team. They lost, but played great.
It was disappointing that so few showed up for it. It was on TV, Radio, in the paper, on flyers around town. I kinda knew a majority of the people who said "Yeah, I'll try to be there" wouldn't be. My sister and I were comparing it to when we'd go whitewater rafting: SOOOO many people act pumped about it and say "Sure- that sounds awesome, let me know when you go!" And we give them ample time to plan. If everyone who said that ACTUALLY went, we'd fill buses to go. But it was always just Micki and me. That's okay for stuff like that- but I dunno that I will brave another 'depend on people to show up to make a profit' event again. I may stick to raffles and begging. It was too stressful for too little a payoff. At least if I DID do it again- I know not to expect too much.
"He who expects little won't be disappointed." Isn't that a famous quote? If not- it should be.
I'm still a little bummed about my prognosis. Got my staples out on Tuesday and talked to the surgeon. I like him alright- but it's kinda grating on my nerves that he doesn't give REAL answers. I know with my situation there aren't a lot of YES and NO answers about the future, but sheesh, throw me a bone. My Dad went with me to the appointment and asked "Is she progressing?"
And the response was "Well, there was a lot more cancer in there than I would like to have seen."
Uh, NOT promising. And that's definitely not a "YES" in any way, shape or form.


Though I hope to get in on a clinical study that will make me lose my hair instead of gain weight dammit. I will be totally honest: I wanted to lose my hair. There, I said it. But I didn't want to be chubby AND bald so I guess that was a blessing in disguise. Maybe this time..... and I'll get a Tat on my noggin. Mom and Dad will love it.

Friday, April 9, 2010

2 days...

So I've kind of put together a fundraiser that happens Sunday... wishing I was more organized. It's a Wheelchair Basketball game. I thought I'd have more people to play- but at least I have 6 players. 2 at the last minute. I have NO idea how many will actually show up to watch... hoping I at least make a LITTLE bit of money for the Relay for Life. or I'll end up broke. At least I'll have a slew of hot dogs to make me feel better if that happens. blech! So much for that healthy diet- har har.

I still have zero energy. It is a task to just get out of bed or to avoid getting back in it when I've done what needs doing.
I want energy but............. nothing. Maybe tomorrow.

And I still miss my dog. :(

Monday, April 5, 2010

I'm back

Let me start by saying everything is fine- no complications since I got home, I just don't have internet access at the new house and I haven't been able to drive (drugs) and I really have just wanted to sleep.
I can't update from my phone (which is on the fritz).
So since I got home, I've felt a little better every day. Not great. But a little better. Still down about the crap results at the surgery. I can't say I'm excited at all about the idea of more chemo. Pisses me off.
So when I got home- my dog Whirlie Girl was still limping around due to her broken leg. I had my cousin who used to be a vet tech come a re-wrap her leg. Over the week after that evidently she got an infection. I couldn't tell what was wrong, plus there was so much to catch up on. By Saturday the smell in the basement was unbareable... I didn't realize a wound could SMELL like that. Because where she broke her leg was fine, it was below it where the infection set in. We took her to the E-Vet and the doc said she was probably too old for surgery and wouldn't do well as a tripod missing a front leg. Plus, the infection had probably already spread and she probably had something more going on for the infection to go that fast. We decided to put her down... you could tell she was in a LOT of pain. It sucked... she was a good dog, my first baby.

RIP Whirlie Girl- You were a good dog.

So I wait a little longer for my luck to turn around. I can still count the blessings I DO have... 2 beautiful, healthy girls to keep me going.