I'm glad I have a blog to vent- but I try to collect my thoughts before sitting down and pouring my heart out. If I'd have gotten online last night- It would have been a mess to say the least.
I can't understand how it is that I inspire anyone. I am not NEAR as strong as people seem to think I am. I whine, cry, get short-tempered, binge eat, starve myself, scream and pout when I'm mad at the world. Not all the time, and I'm certainly not going to go out in public or even out of my house when I'm feeling like doing any of those. So no one really sees that side of me. I don't cry that much, but I could if I thought about it enough. All the side effects are increasing in strength and there are times I wonder if I can do 6 more treatments of this crap. I know I don't have the side effects that most people know of when the word chemo comes up and the side effects are weird. Who the hell would think of a "cold sensitivity" side effect? Sometimes I get the idea that people think I'm faking because one minute I'm good, the next I'm exhausted and bitchy, then I'm good again.
Funny... or SAD thing is, with the cold sensitivity is a "hurt" when taking a first bite of something. You know- when you eat something sour and your jaw aches for a minute? THAT. Only it hurts worse and it's not with sour stuff, it's with EVERYTHING. That pain kicks in on the sides of my face when I cry. So yep- it hurts to cry too. Can't win for losing.
So it's become another "poor me" post. What an inspiration I am.