Tuesday, January 25, 2011

At Random

I've been lazy. Or sick. I really can't tell the difference anymore. I guess you just get so used to being sick that if you're just plain tired and could use a brisk walk to get the blood flowing and you'd be fine- you can't really tell the two apart.
I have a cold- I know that much. But Sunday I spent the entire day in bed. For real. I got up to make lunch for Vera and myself (Iris was at Grams' house). But I couldn't muster up any energy to do anything. About 6pm I got off my duff and cleaned Iris' room, yay me. Then promptly went back to bed. I think Vera has felt under the weather too so she was perfectly happy to veg out in bed with me. You know I was tired when I didn't care that we were watching 3 hours of Dora. Yeah- I wasn't kidding when I said I didn't get out of bed.
I wasn't feeling hot last week with my abdomen getting hard (and no, that's not a 6 pack that I wished for Christmas) and just feeling like someone is sitting on my stomach all the time. I called the Onc and scheduled a CT scan. I had that done yesterday... and I will NEVER acquire a tase for the barium smoothies. Barf. Tomorrow I meet with my Onc or the Nurse Pract. to discuss the CT results and compare them to December's CTs. I'm not-so-secretly nervous. Something's definitely changed, but I'm crossing fingers for it to be just a bunch of scar tissue. It doesn't FEEL like it though. When I push on the hard areas, I can feel it deeper, JUST like it felt before diagnosis.
This vaccine HAS TO WORK.

Well, backpedal to last week... I got a late text from my husband's aunt. Carla used to live nearby, but moved to Tennessee last summer when her husband got a job there. I dig her- she was fun to be around and I wish I would have spent more time with her when she was local. She texted me last Monday night to call her when I got a chance.
When I called her I was thankful that I was sitting down (as I usually am). Since moving to Tennessee she found a church that she loves- Crossroads Community Church of the Nazarene- and had put me on the prayer list. I'm not sure how long she's been going there but it's not been a year yet- that's for sure. Anyway, she wanted to tell me that the church board had voted that night to pay for one of my vaccines. That's $2,000. That's not chump change- not to a church. I cried. I had a hard time sleeping. Again- what do you say to that? Other than thank you? It's so overwhelming.
I am truly grateful for any help I get.
I can't afford these vaccines on my own. I will probably still have to take out a loan to cover the costs. But help is coming in all forms- in those mysterious ways that God works. A nurse/listener has offered a voucher for an Airlines to get to Dallas and back. Again, it's a weird feeling to accept the help and I hope I never get used to it. I don't want to. I'm okay with being uncomfortable accepting help... if that makes any sense.
Please send thanks for Crossroads Community Church of the Nazarene in Tennessee on my behalf. I will be sending them too, but I don't think it hurts to have thanks coming from all directions- including Iceland, Hungary and Australia if that's something you do.
I am humbled and blessed.

On another note- A fellow blogger and Sister-In-Arms against the bastard that is cancer lost her brave battle with Breast Cancer this past Saturday. She was a fighter. She sometimes posted a reply to my blog and posted to my Facebook too. Damn cancer for everyone and every THING cancer takes from us. Please support cancer research when you can. Rest In Peace Daria. I fight for you too.


  1. Thank you for remembering Daria, I am hoping to go to her funeral on Thursday, I am babysitting at my nephews for 10 days and her funeral is over an hour away from here, still hoping to get someone to come in and take over for the afternoon for me.
    I hope you get good news on your scan.....am praying so hard for you, keep in touch okay.
    Sending many hugs.....:--)

  2. What amazing people to help you out with the vaccine cost! It makes me smile.
    Hope to hear some positive news about your scan. I will keep you in my thoughts.
    I also just added you on Facebook. Hope it's okay :)