A lot has happened in the last week or so. Honestly, I'm so cloudy that I have to reference my last post to remember what the heck I was talking about.
Now that I've done it, it's kind of a relief that I do remember snapping out of the funk. I even remember the moment- it was during a cheesy song in a yogurt commercial. Hm. Whatever it takes.
Thing is, the outlook is really no different than it was then so I don't know why I would feel any better mentally from one minute to the next but there ya go. So one minute I feel like I'm drowning 2 feet from the shore, the next I think- well hell, bring the shit that's next.
I have gradually gotten a bit of energy back each day. Saturday was FULL, I took the girls to a local festival... The Sweet Corn Festival. I'll give you a guess what it centered around. It's really geared to little kids. I picked up my younger sister, Eva to help me wrangle the girls because I just can't do it on my own. Too hot, and they have SO much energy.
Eva was a huge help, I couldn't have done it without her there. I got a little irked at a woman who sat across from us at the tables with her tween daughters while we had our sweet corn... she asks me if those are my kids- I said "These two are." pointing at Iris and Vera (I specified because Eva is almost 21 years younger than me and could easily be my kid). She giggled and said "Oh, I thought you were just sitting for them since they weren't listening to you very well."
Ummm, WTF? I didn't really know what to say. I was hurting and yeah, the girls were squirming and whining and not listening (it was naptime) and maybe I looked a little disconnected and struggling, but why would you feel the need to say that?
Thank you for pointing out that I am an insuffecient Mother. My girls will grow up to be true heathens. I'll go cry in my lemonade shake-up now.
Then a few minutes later she walked by me and put her hand on my shoulder and said something to the effect of "I wish you the best."
I don't even know how to take that. I couldn't figure out from the tone of her voice if she was being smart-assy or sincere. And I don't know which would piss me off more.
Uggggh. Shrug it off, shrug it off. People say stupid shit every day. Unprovoked. Without knowing the full story.
I'm sure I've been guilty of it too.
After teh festival we went straight to my husband's cousin's kid's birthday party (you still with me?). It was a mini-golf party for the little kids. I was sore but I wanted to be there.
We got home kinda early and my sister came over to help me put the girls in bed since the husband was at his brother's cookout.
Needless to say, I was pretty worthless on Sunday.
Monday Mom drove me to Canton once again for the next chapter/battle in the whole cancer mess. I started a clinincal trial and a new chemo. Dr. Gabrail (the new oncologist) did the KRAS testing that I thought was done in September and got a different result. So I guess I'm KRAS-Wild type. Which supposedly is a good thing because it could be potentially vulnerable to other drugs. So, yay I guess.
I did the chemo and the pills for the trial and Mom drove me home. I will be doing the chemo every other Monday "until it doesn't work anymore."
And then Dr. Gabrail said we will try the ovarian chemo.
In the meantime, I'm getting another port put in on this upcoming Monday. Can't say I'm excited but what's another scar? And someone will be with me for this one just in case you wondered.
I think we're gonna try to get to the Columbus Zoo on Saturday since it seems the Summer is almost over and I all but swore that I was going to take the girls. Plus, I can rent a Hover-round and roll, Rock-Star Style. My Sister, Micki and my Mom will probably be going with.. girls' day out. The husband will probably stay back to take care of my Dad's properties... they need mowed and someone's gotta do it.
So here's to hoping it isn't too hot because the animals never come out when it is.
I'll try to update more often- maybe from the hotel before the surgery or while I'm not doing a thing.... that happens a lot.