Sunday, July 3, 2011

Was That Necessary?

As I think of the BIG scheme of things- no. Getting a tumor removed from my chest wasn’t necessary and neither were the little tumors on my arms. But Na-na-na, Boo-boo stick your head in Doo-Doo I got them removed and I feel mentally much better.
Dr. Kuhn worked me in on Thursday. He saw the tumor and said it had to go because he could see how miserable it would make someone. He’s so great. I’d travel to Texas for any surgery as long as he was doing it. I don’t know that I trust any other surgeon. I mean- Sardi would be a close second then I would let the doctor at Tufts in Boston (and I don’t even know him- I just got a good vibe from him.
I will NEVER let Dr. Arnold touch me again. I don’t even want to SEE him again because I feel like I should have something ready Maybe just make him look at my wrecked, disgusting body and tell him that he started it all. And a lot of the mess ups were from not knowing that my cancer was Appendix and not knowing is was Peritoneal Carcinomatosis until a year later. That’s a HUGE problem. If you don’t get a correct diagnosis- how are you supposed to get the right treatment?
Grrr. Anyway- After the surgery I was HURTING!!! I guess the pain is starting to get to me. And they had the fluids going so fast that I had to pee every 30 minutes... and I couldn’t get out of bed yet so I had to wait for the nurse to get there with the bedpan.
The last time I called for a nurse- she took too long so I had to get out of bed and get to the bathroom. Every part of that was a chore. But I made it... just in time.
The nurses were great- lots of personality and didn’t mind me asking them over and over for the bedpan or for meds or for them to tuck the pillow in my back so I could sleep. So, kudos to them. Good Surgeon and Good Nursing Staff.
Somehow on the flight home the next day I ended up in first class. With a window seat even. Nice. Mom and my little brother came to get me since I drove myself to the airport. I slept most of the way home and got a sweet greeting from Iris when I got home. I love hugs. I love m girls and they are the reason I do all of this. I know I’ve said it many times, but I’ll say it again... I couldn’t go through all of this if I didn’t have them to live for. It certainly doesn’t mean I will win in the end, but I fight harder.

My friend, Kristi, lost her battle with pancreatic cancer today. I just found out via Facebook. She had 2 young children- Michael, 4 and Julianna, 2 and a great husband, Mike. My husband and I had an almost instant bond with them at the Inheritance of Hope Retreat at Disney in January. Our stories were similar and Jason and Mike really bonded... I think it’s tough for guys to address their feelings unless they find someone who’s almost in their shoes- and Jason and Mike seemed to be wearing the same pair.
I hate this disease. Not just for me, but for all the other warriors, family of warriors and anyone who cares about someone who’s fought it.
It’s hard to find a silver lining tonight. I wish I could do it but I am just not in the mood. I will squeeze my babies a little tighter, knowing there are 2 more babies out there who don’t have a Mommy to squeeze now.

1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear about your friend, I hate this horrible disease. It has changed families lives forever. Keep fighting sweetie and give those beautiful little girls a big hug that only you can. Everything will work out, not always the way we want it too but it will work out Rachel and all will be fine. I really believe this.
    Sending big hugs and many prayers....:-)