Wednesday, June 29, 2011

As Expected

No. Not good news. C'Mon people- haven't you gotten the routine by now? I DO NOT GET GOOD NEWS. Today was no different. CT scans show metastasis to omentum, the surface of my liver, lymph nodes in my arm and neck and spots in lungs and breast.

Not in critical state though. So, Yay? Nothing I have done has shrunk anything. I am still holding onto the sliver of hope that the vaccine will work. I've tried to be mentally 100% behind it but it either hasn't kicked in yet, IS working-slightly- and if I hadn't had the vaccines, these tumors would be ten times worse, OR it won't work.
Alot of the tumors have grown. Some by 2 to 3 centimeters.

The growing tumor on my sternum is becoming painful and making it hard to even wear a bra, so I met with Dr. Kuhn about removing the tumor there- I have surgery tomorrow. I'd say he worked me in pretty fast. I was supposed to be on my way back home as I'm typing this but I'd rather just have this surgery done and overwith. It's an outpatient deal but I'm spending the night at the hospital tomorrow night then flying home on Friday.
Let's be honest- this surgery is not even close to curative. It will only make me more comfortable. So it's not like the surgery is a big deal. Just another go under the knife for me.

Lots to do when I get home. I'm just going to have to schedule my days: What to eat, what to take, when to meditate and all that. Really. I've got to get serious about these less than serious "cures" if only to say I gave EVERYTHING a go before I went.

You know- I had a break from cancer when I went to Italy... but it wasn't long enough. I'm already sick of this shit.


  1. I am so sorry.....I hate this disease. Your children are waiting for a big hug from you when you get home, and Rachel you have done all you can and I know you will continue too. You have every right to be tired of all you are going through, you have dealt with it with much love and humor. Somehow I feel you have kept a lot of hurt, worry and fear inside and that's okay too. You have done what you had to do the best way you could. My heart is heavy but I am so proud of you my blogging friend. You are such an inspiration to all who know you. Sending you big hugs and tons of prayers. Only wish I could do more, xo

  2. Rachel, I'm so sorry. (HUGS)
    I hope your surgery went well today. I am keeping you in my thoughts.
    Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

  3. I am so sorry for the not so great news Rachel. I hope your surgery went well, and am keeping you in my thoughts.