Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Back to Life- Back To Reality

Well- though I left out a few days of the trip (it got crazy busy and I was losing steam. Only had enough for the day, once we got back to the hotel, it was lights out!
Micki and I got home safe and sound. I've been trying to catch up on sleep but I want to be with my girls as much as possible and you know they won't let me out of their sight for too long. I kind of have a renewed sense of Motherhood... trying to be more patient, trying to think of fun stuff to do the rest of the summer.
I wasn't sure if I could hang as a stay at home Mom before, but I think I've got it. I actually think I have more energy when I DO have energy than I did before I left.. and we did A LOT of walking.
And the girls seem to have grown up a bunch in 10 days.
I like it.

So on the cancer front... back to Dallas on Monday. CT scans on Tuesday and seeing the doc on Wednesday. I'm very nervous about the CT scan results- my sternum tumor seems much bigger (that or I've lost weight around it) and you can actually start seeing it through my shirts. It's bad enough to have cancer, but to be disfigured by it is another thing. I know compared to losing a leg, a breast, an eye or something like that is worse, but this is what I've got to deal with and I don't like it. It's gross and it hurts. I'm sure that anyone who hugs me hard enough can feel it... if my boobs were what they once were- you'd never know about the tumor, but they're almost nada compared to the glory they used to be. (If I do say so myself.) Oh well, that's what push up bras were made for I guess.
So I won't be getting a vaccine this time- it's the first follow up and I won't go back for another 3 months. In the meantime, I will be checking into a couple of clinical trials in Canton, OH and one near Cincinnati. Maybe others... I think there might be one or two in Virginia. I'll know more next week. I got a little rusty on the "Save your own life" mechanics while I was on vacation. I didn't forget about the cancer for a day but I certainly didn't have to give a damn at the time.

I'm happy to be home. I'm more than thrilled to be back with my girls. And I guess I'll jump back into cancer fighting with both feet now that I'm here.


  1. No place like home eh! Enjoy your girls and know that I am praying for good news next week. Do you think they will radiate the tumor on your chest? It may allow you more comfort Rachel, sending tons of prayers and big hugs, xo

  2. Oh great, now I'm going to be hearing that song (your post title) in my head all day. Thanks for that.

    Sounds like your trip was a smart move.

    Sheboygan Dan

  3. So glad you had that wonderful time with your sister and I know the girls are tickled to have Mom back where they can get all those hugs they missed! Anyhow, continuing to intend that your medical team is working effectively for your health and that the news is good on Monday and that healing is continuing for the highest and best good of all concerned, so be it and SO IT IS!!! whoooo!