Wednesday, February 3, 2010

....And it hits me

I KNEW it! The simple act of just waking up this morning sucked. Sweaty and having to juggle a fannypack and the tubes and the gauze on my chest not getting crap wet while I shower. Then the snots flow freely and I'm hacking and nauseous. Pain in the ass. At least THIS THING comes off today.

Only about 3 more hours... I think.

My throat is tight, my fingers are numb, my intestines are unruly and my hands are shaking like a crackhead's. Good times.

And to think.... amongst all this: I have managed to stop biting my fingernails. Dunno how I did it. Maybe I just forgot to.

I'm hoping I have the energy to keep up with the girls tonite since they've spent the last 2 nights with my Mother In Law... I feel like an ass for being childless just to sleep, but I think I needed it. Actually- I could easily go back to sleep right now.

I'm feeling a bit weepy today- I think it has to do with the watery eyes I get from the Flourauricil (or however the hell you spell it) that I carry around in this damn fannypack. Like seasonal allergies. So it's like I'm already halfway to crying, so my body and mind just figure I'm supposed to go full blown crying. Just what about? Cancer? Stress? Tiredness? Money? Being a bad Mom? Shit. Pick one or all.

I haven't CRIED today. But the day is young. I'm sure I will muster up the waterworks over SOMETHING!

SO LONG FANNYPACK!!! I might just cry with joy!


  1. Fannypack be gone! Change is good!

  2. Cancer sucks. Hope things go better for you.

  3. A good cry can feel so good ... it can all get too much.