Sleepless in Belpre

Only less sappy I think, than the Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movie...
naturally I haven't had a decent night's sleep since diagnosis- and maybe even before. I DID have a 5 month old baby and a 2-1/2 year old- so my sleep was kinda like a bad pizza: at least it was sleep of SOME sort.
Lately, I'd say the last few weeks, I just can not manage to get to sleep at night. Afternoon naps- no problem. I can fall asleep like I did in boot camp- anywhere! But at night...... I just can't. now I know what you're thinking, I've got my days and nights mixed up and if I didn't take a nap in the afternoon, I wouldn't have any poblem when it was actually bedtime. I've tried that too and it doesn't work. i'm kinda glad that THAT isn't the problem because I like my afternoon naps with Iris. Milk and cookies for the bribe then plenty of snuggling. I dig it, and I tell her that every day.
I know it's because of the stress. duh. I just can't figure out how to manage it correctly. I can't go to sleep at 9pm through the week so I can get the required 8 hours of sleep. I just don't go to bed at 9. I don't think I've done that since I was 11.
I guess it's not a big deal now since I've worked my last day for a while and won't be needing to get up at the buttcrack of before dawn. Now I can stay up that late- har har.

So I will add that to my whine list... along with my soreness and 'bloating'. Is it called bloating? You know? When your abdomen is swollen so much that you look pregnant again? Well, I look like I'm about 4-5 months pregnant, fantastic. Hopefully that crash diet I'll go on in 5 days will help me out a bit in that department. I am also sore and stiff in my midsection... is it in my head? The closer I get to surgery day, the worse I FEEL- PHYSICALLY. And I'm still nauseous and wah, wah, wah.
Should I revel in it? You know? Because I will miss it when I'm better? ha ha.
So at the times I do feel good, I'm soaking up all the normal I can get. Trying not to freak out about what lies ahead. Someone asked me if I was ready for the surgery. "Nope. Not at all." I thought for a second. So I compared it to giving birth; You look forward to the end result- but you've gotta go through some unpleasantries to get there. Unpleasantries, if I spelled it right, MAY be an understatement. Yes, I think it is. You get the idea though.
Soon this will all be a memory and I will need to focus on more important things- like what my Halloween costume will be and what candy to buy for trick-or-treat.

At the request of a few people I have set up a Caring Bridge website for surgery updates and post-op notes until I am coherent enough to tell you in my own words.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/rachelgreenwalt

It should be set up so that you can make comments and such without a huge production of giving your name, social security number, first born, father's Aunt's Maiden name and your college roommate's hometown or soemthing like that. Should be a fairly easy process if you want to leave a comment. My sister said she would update as much as I wanted her to. I told her that I have rabid readers and that she should be updating the page any time she is updated. I was told that a nurse will update the family every 2 hours or so, SO that is probably what you'll get.
Enjoy... I'll bet it's riveting! So riveting, in fact, that it will put me out...
Zing!