It's just nice

Friday, July 17, 2009 at 11:03am Edit Note Delete
To go into work, that is. I set my alarm for 5am and hit snooze until it just didn't go off anymore. At 6am I drag my butt outta bed and tell Jason that I'm going into work (he didn't believe me). I COULD HAVE tried to sleep in- but sometimes when you have little ones- trying to sleep in is more frustrating than just waking up and knocking the dust off and getting the day started.Going to work was a little "me" time that didn't consist of laundry, shower, Doctor's appointment, driving to the doctor's appointment, getting stuck with needles, drinking some nastyfluids for a CT scan, getting a CT scan and so on. (I WILL get a pedicure soon!) It just felt nice to be back at work even if it was just for one morning. I've worked since I was 16- it's hard to NOT work. Don't get me wrong, I love the time with my girls, but there's something secure in working. I hope they don't figure out that they can manage just fine without me... I will be out of a job when I can come back permanently. As treatment gets closer it gets more real... not like it WASN'T real... it's just weird to be on the other side of the "Cancer Stories." We'd done St Jude radiothons at the station and I'd listened to the sad stories and cried for those kids and families but I cry less being on this side. I only cry when I think of leaving my girls.2 days after my diagnosis I was getting my hair cut and I was sitting next to a girl that was getting her hair dyed for prom. She was getting "firey" colors and it was so cool and funky. Just like I would have done mine when I was in high school. I got misty-eyed thinking I might not see my girls graduate. I can handle pretty much everything else. That's why I TRY to be understanding when my parents get emotional talking about my situation. I can't imagine if it was one of my girls going through this. It's my silver lining- that it's not one of them. A guy I work with has a little girl that is a week younger than Iris and she was diagnosed with cancer last year. She had a lung removed in Jan and just finished chemo. So when I feel bad for myself, I just look at that situation and re-think.I joke a lot about MY situation, it IS serious- but humor is how I cope. Anyone who knows me would tell you that I am an emotional person- so it's either laugh a lot or cry constantly. I choose to laugh... most the time.Well, just to go over the timeline... I get my port put in next friday, then chemo on the 27th and every other monday after that until the nd of august when I do the IPHP chemo (I've heard that it's nickname is "Shake and Bake" :P ) and then IV chemo every other Monday after that for 4-6 weeks then another IPHP chemo, then more IV chemo every other monday for a grand total of 6 months.Watch out for my Relay for Life team next spring.. Rachel's Renegades? That's a little more tame than what I had originally had picked out... gotta keep it "G" Rated. If all the people actually come that said they would- it will be quite a team. We'll rule the school!!Again, thanks for all the well wishes that continue to pour in. I do appreciate each and every one of you.Take it easy.until next time.........................................