Only days to go

I am admittedly apprehensive about getting this port put in. ugh. Well, that and a thousand other things. I started a journal when this whole rollercoaster pulled out of the station... but have only put a couple of entries in it since.. and one was just bitching about Jason. i think I can get my thoughts out faster by typing- but then I just look like a bad mom cause I'm on the computer. If I took the same amount of time out to write in an actual journal it wouldn't look as bad. WTH?
I don't know what I'm going to do this Friday after surgery. Do I bring the girls home? Because I'm just shipping them off to Grams' house on Monday. I feel bad that the girls are getting shuffled around. Poor Iris is getting weary of it and this is just the beginning. Vera is reaching the attachment phase and wants Mommy- but I am not going to be able to tend to her like she needs to be. it pisses me off. Stupid effin' cancer.
I hope we can make it to good 'ol Coolville Founder's Day festivities, I haven't been since I dated Tim Linton... now THAT'S a blast from the past. I think we were too coll to actually enjoy it. It's a lot different when you've got kids- rather being a teen with "better things to do." Like making out. tee-hee.
So I'm going for a pedicure tomorrow- lucky pedicure lady. Pity her that she's gotta deal with my feet. blech!! I do wash them...
I'm hoping to be able to get around well after chemo, but I'm not counting on it. I will start jogging again when I can. Want to get skinny because I'm healthy not because I'm sick. arrgh!!