Had a great Easter with the family. Though I was too tired to go to services I kinda felt like I should have went... you know?
We had family over for an egg hunt with the kids. LOTS of eggs. Ugh- probably too many, but we were counting on 2 more kids to hunt. Oh well, the girls were happy- and little cousin Wesley was happy too.
It was nice to have everyone over, I think that's the most people I've had over at one time. ?
Today is the first day of my last week at work.
I've decided to go on Social Security Disability. There are a number of factors that led to the decision. Some were no-brainers but I do love my job. I've been here for just shy of 10 years. Longer than anywhere else. I get a little misty-eyed thinking about it. I hate that I HAVE to even make that decision. But I've gone a bit downhill (well, I have) for the last couple of months. I'm more tired than usual, I'm sick at work, I've lost a bit of humor, I'm just this side of worthless really. So I have to relent and call it. It's not fair to everyone else around me to pick up the slack. I've never liked being a load. I suspect that this will give the jerk/loudmouth/a-hole at work ample ammunition to badmouth me some more like he did when I was diagnosed: "I guess this gives her more reason to be lazy." he said. Or something like it. I think he was just jealous that HE couldn't be the one with any sort of excuse. He doesn't have one but he sucks anyway.
Ugh- No, that stuff doesn't roll of my back. It actually cuts pretty deep, or I wouldn't even mention it.
Anyway- Friday is my last day at work. I got into radio to be on a morning show. I got there after 4 years in. I thought that was a pretty good advancement. So now I have to give it up. it wasn't really fair to the station and the people working to have to sit on edge to know that at some point they would have to find a replacement and possibly be hated for it. If I up and died while still working, what's the protocol for finding my replacement? Do they bring someone in immediately? Do they wait X months? Do they leave it open forever? Eh- Now they can do what they NEED to do. I hate doing it, but bowing out is about the only respectable thing I can do. Dammit.
The end of an era.
I know what you're all thinking- But you'll have so much time for the girls, for your health, for whatever you WANT to do.
~ Of Course I Will. That doesn't mean I didn't want to work. I LIKE my job. It's as much part of who I am as my Navy time was, as much as being a mom, as much as bieng mascot in high school, as much as playing basketball, playing drums in the marching band, being in ballet, being in Girl Scouts, being in 4-H, growing up in Coolville.
Some people get jobs to make money and that's it. Good on them. I chose my career because I wanted to do something that I WANTED to do. I knew there wouldn't be any money in it, but I figured that if I was doing something I loved, I wouldn't be miserable.
So here I am.
I got what I wanted. And now- I have to give it up. And the fear of being forgotten is kicking my ass again.
I've also noticed that I can't get a friggin' 'funny' checkmark on any of my posts anymore... maybe because I'm just not funny. Or maybe it's because the last few months have sucked. Well, in comparison. I mean, not that things have been fantastic since May of '09, but my ability to reframe is being clouded a bit.
I will work on it. Because, dammit, I'm not going out like that.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Get On With It
I figure at this rate, I should be at my target weight in 2 months or so.
The incredible shrinking woman. Hey- I'm not bitching at all- I hate being fat and loathed the idea that people would remember me with a a pudgy face and just chunky.
But my stomach isn't shrinking. So I still look fat in the middle.
I got my iron infusion today. I wish it gave me crazy energy like it should, but it doesn't. I'm sure it keeps me from being totally lethargic though.
As for the vaccine- I don't know what's going on. Maybe the tumor isn't growing but it just looks like it because I've lost weight. Or maybe it's grown.
I can't eat much at this point- I'm nauseous all the time. I hurt and I'm tired.
I'm trying to figure all this out and it's only speculation.
The vaccine has GOT TO work. I've got nowhere else to go after this- except maybe a colostomy? Eh, whatever. It's been almost 5 months since I've had surgery... I'm starting to go into DTs.
The incredible shrinking woman. Hey- I'm not bitching at all- I hate being fat and loathed the idea that people would remember me with a a pudgy face and just chunky.
But my stomach isn't shrinking. So I still look fat in the middle.
I got my iron infusion today. I wish it gave me crazy energy like it should, but it doesn't. I'm sure it keeps me from being totally lethargic though.
As for the vaccine- I don't know what's going on. Maybe the tumor isn't growing but it just looks like it because I've lost weight. Or maybe it's grown.
I can't eat much at this point- I'm nauseous all the time. I hurt and I'm tired.
I'm trying to figure all this out and it's only speculation.
The vaccine has GOT TO work. I've got nowhere else to go after this- except maybe a colostomy? Eh, whatever. It's been almost 5 months since I've had surgery... I'm starting to go into DTs.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Did I Invent A New Word?
Cancerexic- Losing weight from cancer issues.
I've been looking for a word to describe my shrinking (but not toned in any way) self.
So I use the word with my tongue in my cheek... sort of. I think it needs it's own word. Hell, people use the term 'Manorexic,' 'Tanorexic' and so on.
My contribution to Webster's.
I've been looking for a word to describe my shrinking (but not toned in any way) self.
So I use the word with my tongue in my cheek... sort of. I think it needs it's own word. Hell, people use the term 'Manorexic,' 'Tanorexic' and so on.
My contribution to Webster's.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
What Next?
I am getting anxious about going back to Dallas next month.
I'm afraid the vaccine won't work in time to make a difference. I may just be paranoid but my abdomen feels harder and I feel... weird. I feel cloudy and kinda out of it at times. And there are times when I should be wide awake but I can't keep my eyes open. I had guests over last night and I felt like a jerk because if I sat down for more than 3 minutes my eyes wanted to close and I was going cross-eyed when they were open. I wasn't sleepy.
I was at work and for a minute or two I closed my eyes and actually had a dream... or was it an hallucination? I've even caught myself reaching for something that someone "in the dream" was handing me. This in the middle of the day.
Has the cancer made it to my brain? Am I over-tired? Is it the drugs I'm on? Who the hell knows?
So, maybe an MRI is next on my list of medical procedures I need done? Haven't had one of those, so- check- I MUST HAVE IT.
I still feel fat. I don't really look it from the front, but the side view- ick. My stomach fat is gross and isn't going anywhere. Where's the compassionate doctor who does tummy tucks? Tummy tucks for cancer patients... I think I'll start my own walk.
I've met with the doctor since the last paragraph. Seemed like a split second to you, huh?
I told her about all my concerns and she said it is most likely the drugs and the fact that I'm "working a lot." I use the quotes because I'm hardly an asset at this point.
Moving on... My bloodwork is still good, the lump on my incision scar is grody and getting big and uncomfortable and all that but there's nothing really to do about it at this point.
Of course as soon as I got home I found another lump in my arm that shouldn't be there- gotta wait a while to talk about it. next week I guess. No MRI right now. The doc asked me if I wanted one- I said not right now.
I feel like I'm falling apart. Is it in my head? Because May, 2011 is the 2 year mark? That at one point THAT was my expiration date? Peritoneal Carcinomatosis prognosis from diagnosis= 2 years. And there it is. In my face.
All it takes is one vital organ to shut down.. at any time.
And I worry about Vera wearing bright orange rain boots that are 2 sizes too big for her out in public?
Pardon my French but,
Fuck Cancer.
I'm afraid the vaccine won't work in time to make a difference. I may just be paranoid but my abdomen feels harder and I feel... weird. I feel cloudy and kinda out of it at times. And there are times when I should be wide awake but I can't keep my eyes open. I had guests over last night and I felt like a jerk because if I sat down for more than 3 minutes my eyes wanted to close and I was going cross-eyed when they were open. I wasn't sleepy.
I was at work and for a minute or two I closed my eyes and actually had a dream... or was it an hallucination? I've even caught myself reaching for something that someone "in the dream" was handing me. This in the middle of the day.
Has the cancer made it to my brain? Am I over-tired? Is it the drugs I'm on? Who the hell knows?
So, maybe an MRI is next on my list of medical procedures I need done? Haven't had one of those, so- check- I MUST HAVE IT.
I still feel fat. I don't really look it from the front, but the side view- ick. My stomach fat is gross and isn't going anywhere. Where's the compassionate doctor who does tummy tucks? Tummy tucks for cancer patients... I think I'll start my own walk.
I've met with the doctor since the last paragraph. Seemed like a split second to you, huh?
I told her about all my concerns and she said it is most likely the drugs and the fact that I'm "working a lot." I use the quotes because I'm hardly an asset at this point.
Moving on... My bloodwork is still good, the lump on my incision scar is grody and getting big and uncomfortable and all that but there's nothing really to do about it at this point.
Of course as soon as I got home I found another lump in my arm that shouldn't be there- gotta wait a while to talk about it. next week I guess. No MRI right now. The doc asked me if I wanted one- I said not right now.
I feel like I'm falling apart. Is it in my head? Because May, 2011 is the 2 year mark? That at one point THAT was my expiration date? Peritoneal Carcinomatosis prognosis from diagnosis= 2 years. And there it is. In my face.
All it takes is one vital organ to shut down.. at any time.
And I worry about Vera wearing bright orange rain boots that are 2 sizes too big for her out in public?
Pardon my French but,
Fuck Cancer.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Aware
I was on the phone today with the Mercy Medical Airlift people about taking care of my next flight to Dallas.
I had to get a hold of the American Cancer Society for my ID number and such.
They asked me if I had any questions about my cancer or suggestions and so on. Well the last time I asked any questions about appendix cancer, they didn't have any answers so I didn't think they would have any new answers this time. NOT knocking on the ACS by any means really. BUT I did have a suggestion: Educate themselves about appendix cancer. There isn't even an option of appendix cancer on the ACS website. It's THAT thinking that got me in trouble in the first place. Appendix cancer is it's own cancer. Just like breast cancer or lung cancer and so on. You don't treat appendix cancer like colon cancer or you'll likely get nowhere. It's the mentality that it can be treated like colon cancer that kills appendix cancer patients. If I'd have had the right friggin' diagnosis, things would have been a LOT different. I think patients need to have the right information instead of just lumping it into a bigger category just because it's convenient.
I suggested that the ACS look into appendix cancer information and pass it on through their website.
Plus, I suggested they include more information about Lynch Syndrome.
So I've become an activist.
Hey-Hey, Ho-Ho
Appendix Cancer's Got To Go...
I had to get a hold of the American Cancer Society for my ID number and such.
They asked me if I had any questions about my cancer or suggestions and so on. Well the last time I asked any questions about appendix cancer, they didn't have any answers so I didn't think they would have any new answers this time. NOT knocking on the ACS by any means really. BUT I did have a suggestion: Educate themselves about appendix cancer. There isn't even an option of appendix cancer on the ACS website. It's THAT thinking that got me in trouble in the first place. Appendix cancer is it's own cancer. Just like breast cancer or lung cancer and so on. You don't treat appendix cancer like colon cancer or you'll likely get nowhere. It's the mentality that it can be treated like colon cancer that kills appendix cancer patients. If I'd have had the right friggin' diagnosis, things would have been a LOT different. I think patients need to have the right information instead of just lumping it into a bigger category just because it's convenient.
I suggested that the ACS look into appendix cancer information and pass it on through their website.
Plus, I suggested they include more information about Lynch Syndrome.
So I've become an activist.
Hey-Hey, Ho-Ho
Appendix Cancer's Got To Go...
Monday, April 4, 2011
Word.
As in "No Word." Because I haven't had any scans.
The tumor in my abdomen has not gotten any bigger as far as the Doc can tell. BUT the hernia/tumor/scar tissue just below my sternum has gotten bigger. Not really worrisome but the fact that it might be tumor growing= not good.
Again though, this is the 8 week mark. Let the healing begin dammit. I've more than put in the waiting time, the pain, the anxiety and yadda, yadda, yadda. So let's get this show on the friggin' road.
Scans next month... 29 days.
The tumor in my abdomen has not gotten any bigger as far as the Doc can tell. BUT the hernia/tumor/scar tissue just below my sternum has gotten bigger. Not really worrisome but the fact that it might be tumor growing= not good.
Again though, this is the 8 week mark. Let the healing begin dammit. I've more than put in the waiting time, the pain, the anxiety and yadda, yadda, yadda. So let's get this show on the friggin' road.
Scans next month... 29 days.
Round 3
Today I get shot #3. Also, today is officially the 8 week mark. The doctors said that the shots take 8-12 weeks to start working. Of course, they said that it can take LONGER. Like 18 MONTHS- longer. Let's hope that the vaccine is closer to the 8 week mark for working.
I still don't feel anything "working." A lot of people... well everyone that knows what's going on asks the question "Can you feel anything different?"
My answer is "I don't think anything is growing, but I don't think it's shrinking at this point either."
With Lynch Syndrome- it's hard to tell what this vaccine will do for me. Maybe it will be totally ineffective or maybe (Pollyanna) it will be the big cure for regular cancer AND the secret key to Lynch Syndrome. Eh. I try not to be a pessimist, but I can't repeatedly get my hopes up only to have them dashed again and again. I mean, 15 rounds of chemo for colon cancer and I don't have colon cancer... 2 IPHP surgeries that I didn't need, nor did they have any effect on the cancer. 1 HIPEC surgery attempt that couldn't be completed. The whole experience has been one let-down after another. So it's weird to put all my hope into a little shot in the arm. I'm not getting any other treatment. It's scary.
So we'll see what my blood tests look like and what the docs say today.
I got into Dallas at 9:30 Saturday night- meeting up with my friend Karen- she flew in from Missouri to meet me for my shot and for well, just hanging out for a couple of days. My friend, Jason and his wife (Who I occasionally stay with when I come to Dallas) held a get-together for Fallon Navy people at their house yesterday. I had a great time. I saw a couple that I was stationed with- they got married in Fallon and are still together. My friend Danny and his wife, Dayla were there. And I invited a Navy friend from Corpus Christi who lives in Tyler, TX. I finally got to meet her kids. :)
I guess some other Fallon-ites were a upset cuz they thought it was a reunion that we didn't tell everybody about. So I guess when I come out in June or July we'll do a bigger reunion. I hope airfare comes down.
Well, I must get ready for the appointment- breakfast at IHOP.
I still don't feel anything "working." A lot of people... well everyone that knows what's going on asks the question "Can you feel anything different?"
My answer is "I don't think anything is growing, but I don't think it's shrinking at this point either."
With Lynch Syndrome- it's hard to tell what this vaccine will do for me. Maybe it will be totally ineffective or maybe (Pollyanna) it will be the big cure for regular cancer AND the secret key to Lynch Syndrome. Eh. I try not to be a pessimist, but I can't repeatedly get my hopes up only to have them dashed again and again. I mean, 15 rounds of chemo for colon cancer and I don't have colon cancer... 2 IPHP surgeries that I didn't need, nor did they have any effect on the cancer. 1 HIPEC surgery attempt that couldn't be completed. The whole experience has been one let-down after another. So it's weird to put all my hope into a little shot in the arm. I'm not getting any other treatment. It's scary.
So we'll see what my blood tests look like and what the docs say today.
I got into Dallas at 9:30 Saturday night- meeting up with my friend Karen- she flew in from Missouri to meet me for my shot and for well, just hanging out for a couple of days. My friend, Jason and his wife (Who I occasionally stay with when I come to Dallas) held a get-together for Fallon Navy people at their house yesterday. I had a great time. I saw a couple that I was stationed with- they got married in Fallon and are still together. My friend Danny and his wife, Dayla were there. And I invited a Navy friend from Corpus Christi who lives in Tyler, TX. I finally got to meet her kids. :)
I guess some other Fallon-ites were a upset cuz they thought it was a reunion that we didn't tell everybody about. So I guess when I come out in June or July we'll do a bigger reunion. I hope airfare comes down.
Well, I must get ready for the appointment- breakfast at IHOP.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
What a pain in the
Ask anyone with cancer how they feel about pain pills. I'd imagine the answer would go something like this... "Yeah, they're great when I need them, but I don't want to be a pill-popper, or dependent on them."
Welcome to my world. I'm hurting- almost all the time now. I've had to have my perscription changed. I feel like a druggie. I'm emotional over this in addition to everything else I have to deal with because I'm torn between "I must be taking too much!" and "I'm hurting so bad that I want to scream!"
I wake up hurting, I put off using my painkillers and lay and whine and writhe in pain. But if the pain is controlled- I can function like a normal person. hm. Sounds like a druggie- right? Judge away.
I called in for a refill on my perscription only to find that I couldn't have a refill for 2 more days. The doc told me that if I was having pain that I could take another dose at 3 hours instead of 4 and that's what I was doing. Hence the quick usage. Hearing THAT made me feel even worse.
I will get a new perscription today and hopefully the pharmacy I use won't feel it necessary to judge me. I feel bad enough already, dammit.
Welcome to my world. I'm hurting- almost all the time now. I've had to have my perscription changed. I feel like a druggie. I'm emotional over this in addition to everything else I have to deal with because I'm torn between "I must be taking too much!" and "I'm hurting so bad that I want to scream!"
I wake up hurting, I put off using my painkillers and lay and whine and writhe in pain. But if the pain is controlled- I can function like a normal person. hm. Sounds like a druggie- right? Judge away.
I called in for a refill on my perscription only to find that I couldn't have a refill for 2 more days. The doc told me that if I was having pain that I could take another dose at 3 hours instead of 4 and that's what I was doing. Hence the quick usage. Hearing THAT made me feel even worse.
I will get a new perscription today and hopefully the pharmacy I use won't feel it necessary to judge me. I feel bad enough already, dammit.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sometimes There Are Things Even *I* Don't Talk About... BUT
Cancer wrecks a lot. We already knew that didn't we? It can cause you to rediscover friends, to make new friends, it can also cause some friends to turn tail and run far away from you. Collateral damage is not unheard of.
What about those who can't leave? Your parents... Let's get THAT out of the way now... no parent worth ANYTHING would leave a child (no matter how old their child is) after a cancer diagnosis. What about spouses? The deeper this thing goes- it's been 2 years now- the stronger that question becomes.
Should spouses get an 'out' if their husband or wife is diagnosed with cancer? Your first reaction is "NO, Of course not!" but hear me out... What if things were rocky before? What if it's almost making existence MORE miserable to stay together? Cancer isn't like nursing a cold for a week and "Can I get you some soup from a can?" and you're done. NO. It's forever. Once you have cancer- you're forever a survivor. Whether it was a mole removed or a breast or a leg. Cancer is cancer- and it's scary as hell. Watching a loved one go through it SUCKS. It's coming up on a year since my sister's surgery to remove all her cervical cancer and it STILL bothers me to think about it. I can only imagine what goes through the minds of the people that care about me. My entire existence hinged on an experimental vaccine.
I think spouses should get a 'Get out of Jail Free' card to say "I can't handle this... I'm not cut out for it." OR "Our relationship is not strong enough to survive this."
And they shouldn't catch any shit for it. They deserve to be happy just as much as the Survivor does.
I'm wondering if my husband would like a card. He does more around the house than he's ever done in his life. He seems totally miserable and he hides things from me. He seems to distance himself. At times I think life for both of us might be easier apart.
I know my diagnosis has been hard on him and 2 years on, I don't think he has figured out how to cope with it.
No, it's not fair to those of us who HAVE to deal with it- but if friends of mine can turn tail and run, why can't a husband/wife? Cancer sucks and I think if someone wanted to and CAN get away from it they should be allowed to. Cancer shouldn't be able to screw with everybody.
That's my thoughts for the day... and yes, this is the day after a fight with the husband. I don't normally discuss my marriage here because it's been less than stellar and I know some of you personally and I don't like airing the marriage 'dirty laundry' here because it comes off like I'm badmouthing him. Plus, he'd be pissed that I even talked about it. But I know he doesn't read this.
But, this is MY blog. This is MY outlet. This is where I come to talk about what I need to talk about. And I needed to get it off my chest.
What about those who can't leave? Your parents... Let's get THAT out of the way now... no parent worth ANYTHING would leave a child (no matter how old their child is) after a cancer diagnosis. What about spouses? The deeper this thing goes- it's been 2 years now- the stronger that question becomes.
Should spouses get an 'out' if their husband or wife is diagnosed with cancer? Your first reaction is "NO, Of course not!" but hear me out... What if things were rocky before? What if it's almost making existence MORE miserable to stay together? Cancer isn't like nursing a cold for a week and "Can I get you some soup from a can?" and you're done. NO. It's forever. Once you have cancer- you're forever a survivor. Whether it was a mole removed or a breast or a leg. Cancer is cancer- and it's scary as hell. Watching a loved one go through it SUCKS. It's coming up on a year since my sister's surgery to remove all her cervical cancer and it STILL bothers me to think about it. I can only imagine what goes through the minds of the people that care about me. My entire existence hinged on an experimental vaccine.
I think spouses should get a 'Get out of Jail Free' card to say "I can't handle this... I'm not cut out for it." OR "Our relationship is not strong enough to survive this."
And they shouldn't catch any shit for it. They deserve to be happy just as much as the Survivor does.
I'm wondering if my husband would like a card. He does more around the house than he's ever done in his life. He seems totally miserable and he hides things from me. He seems to distance himself. At times I think life for both of us might be easier apart.
I know my diagnosis has been hard on him and 2 years on, I don't think he has figured out how to cope with it.
No, it's not fair to those of us who HAVE to deal with it- but if friends of mine can turn tail and run, why can't a husband/wife? Cancer sucks and I think if someone wanted to and CAN get away from it they should be allowed to. Cancer shouldn't be able to screw with everybody.
That's my thoughts for the day... and yes, this is the day after a fight with the husband. I don't normally discuss my marriage here because it's been less than stellar and I know some of you personally and I don't like airing the marriage 'dirty laundry' here because it comes off like I'm badmouthing him. Plus, he'd be pissed that I even talked about it. But I know he doesn't read this.
But, this is MY blog. This is MY outlet. This is where I come to talk about what I need to talk about. And I needed to get it off my chest.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Iron Maiden
I got a text message tonite that told me to update my blog.
As you wish.
I honestly haven't stopped much in the last week-plus to write anything more than a status update.
When I DO stop, I fall asleep. Really.
My iron levels were low before I went to Texas and I was supposed to have an infusion on the 9th, but as soon as I got back from TX, I had a sick baby to take care of. I wonder what will happen to my kids if I die... will they actually make it to the doctor for an illness or will they just have to tough it out? Vera had a nasty cough over the weekend before heading to Dallas and on the Monday I got a call that she was running a fever. Okay... take her to the Doctor. I can't do it right now- obviously. The doc is out on Tuesdays- so instead of going to a quick care dealio, just wait until I get home. *Sarcasm off* Sheesh.
I took her to see her doc on Wednesday afternoon when we could get in. I was exhausted still... she was flat. Hacking, temperature and so on. She had pneumonia. Just a little rattle but still. :( So we stayed in bed the rest of the day. I wasn't good for much- so it helped that Vera didn't want me to leave her side- AT ALL. I was okay with that.
She got over it pretty quick. I had been dragging. Made it through the weekend but getting to work this week was tough. I couldn't really function well. It was like being nacoleptic. I couldn't hold my eyes open just sitting at the computer working. I put my head down and was listening to the radio for my next break and fell in DEEP sleep. Missing breaks and such. People probably think I'm a dirtbag- but it wasn't something I could help. Coffee didn't work... sleep was the only thing that might work and there isn't enough time in the day to get what I felt like I needed.
**Enter the next scheduled iron infusion.**
Thank God.
I was scheduled for iron on Wednesday this week and actually got there for it.
I can handle the waiting room, exam rooms and such- but the smell, feel and atmosphere of the chemo bay makes me want to buuuuhhharrrrf. Literally. I had to ask for anti-nausea meds for my IV because I'd probably have just sat there, wretching. I loathe that chemo bay. Don't get me wrong, the nurses are wonderful, but memories prevail. Come to think of it- looking at my file folder kinda makes me sick too. Just it sitting there... yep. Gross.
Any-hooooooooooooooooo
I got my iron and felt much better by Wednesday evening. I even got to work and stayed awake without problems this morning. Hooray.
I am scheduled for a total of 12 iron infusions. 1 a week. I'm totally okay with it if it makes me feel better. I just wish I could get it in a different room. blech.
Oh- and I thought I'd post a somewhat decent, current pic that I took in Dallas. I flew out Monday morning- got to DFW at 9:30am. Waiting in line to get my rental car I got a text from Iris' preschool teacher that said "This is Iris... I am thinking about you. I love and miss you. xoxoxox." made me wanna cry. So I sent a text, but I thought a picture would be even better. So I took a picture of myself blowing her a kiss.
The picture didn't go through, but I showed it to her when I got back and she was happy about it. So, win for me. I love my tenderhearted little girl.
So those, my friends, are my excuses for the lack of posts in the last week and some.
I apologize all over myself. (One of my favorite quotes from my Grandmother June.)
As you wish.
I honestly haven't stopped much in the last week-plus to write anything more than a status update.
When I DO stop, I fall asleep. Really.
My iron levels were low before I went to Texas and I was supposed to have an infusion on the 9th, but as soon as I got back from TX, I had a sick baby to take care of. I wonder what will happen to my kids if I die... will they actually make it to the doctor for an illness or will they just have to tough it out? Vera had a nasty cough over the weekend before heading to Dallas and on the Monday I got a call that she was running a fever. Okay... take her to the Doctor. I can't do it right now- obviously. The doc is out on Tuesdays- so instead of going to a quick care dealio, just wait until I get home. *Sarcasm off* Sheesh.
I took her to see her doc on Wednesday afternoon when we could get in. I was exhausted still... she was flat. Hacking, temperature and so on. She had pneumonia. Just a little rattle but still. :( So we stayed in bed the rest of the day. I wasn't good for much- so it helped that Vera didn't want me to leave her side- AT ALL. I was okay with that.
She got over it pretty quick. I had been dragging. Made it through the weekend but getting to work this week was tough. I couldn't really function well. It was like being nacoleptic. I couldn't hold my eyes open just sitting at the computer working. I put my head down and was listening to the radio for my next break and fell in DEEP sleep. Missing breaks and such. People probably think I'm a dirtbag- but it wasn't something I could help. Coffee didn't work... sleep was the only thing that might work and there isn't enough time in the day to get what I felt like I needed.
**Enter the next scheduled iron infusion.**
Thank God.
I was scheduled for iron on Wednesday this week and actually got there for it.
I can handle the waiting room, exam rooms and such- but the smell, feel and atmosphere of the chemo bay makes me want to buuuuhhharrrrf. Literally. I had to ask for anti-nausea meds for my IV because I'd probably have just sat there, wretching. I loathe that chemo bay. Don't get me wrong, the nurses are wonderful, but memories prevail. Come to think of it- looking at my file folder kinda makes me sick too. Just it sitting there... yep. Gross.
Any-hooooooooooooooooo
I got my iron and felt much better by Wednesday evening. I even got to work and stayed awake without problems this morning. Hooray.
I am scheduled for a total of 12 iron infusions. 1 a week. I'm totally okay with it if it makes me feel better. I just wish I could get it in a different room. blech.
Oh- and I thought I'd post a somewhat decent, current pic that I took in Dallas. I flew out Monday morning- got to DFW at 9:30am. Waiting in line to get my rental car I got a text from Iris' preschool teacher that said "This is Iris... I am thinking about you. I love and miss you. xoxoxox." made me wanna cry. So I sent a text, but I thought a picture would be even better. So I took a picture of myself blowing her a kiss.
The picture didn't go through, but I showed it to her when I got back and she was happy about it. So, win for me. I love my tenderhearted little girl.
So those, my friends, are my excuses for the lack of posts in the last week and some.
I apologize all over myself. (One of my favorite quotes from my Grandmother June.)
Monday, March 7, 2011
Texax vs. Appendix cancer- Round 2
I'm hanging out in the chemo bay at the Mary Crowley Cancer Research Center waiting for the shot. I'm a baby... it hurts. Why can I get a tattoo no prob, but the shot makes me wince?
Yeah- just got it. owie!
Now they do vitals every ten minutes for half an hour and I'm on my merry way.
Getting here this morning was fun- flight to Charlotte, NC was about an hour and I think I did the head bobbin all the way there. Hey, I got up at 2am to leave at 2:45 to get to the airport, checked in, through security and on the plane by 5:25.
Then the 3 hour flight to Dallas from there... in a MIDDLE SEAT!!! argh! Sitting next to a guy who didn't seem to care that his elbow was practically halfway in my seat. So I was a tad uncomfortable... okay a LOT uncomfortable for 3 hours.
I DID get a sweet Ford Escape for the rental. Lipstick Red. It was the best deal for the day. Who knew?
So I am off to the hotel after this to rest up. I may get a chance to skype with my girls... hopefully it works this time. I had a major malfunction last time. Operator error I'm sure.
Oh- so did you want to know if anything was different? What the Docs say and stuff? I bet you doooooooo.....
The tumor in my abdomen seems to have not grown. If it has- it's not a signifigant amount. Hoo. Ray. Yes, I've lost weight, a whopping 6 pounds since I was here last. The doc says that the tumor isn't protruding as much as it was and since I've lost weight, she thinks that it would be MORE noticeable- but it isn't.
Is it the vaccine or dumb luck at this point? "They" say the vaccine won't work for at least 8 weeks. 4 more to go to get to that point. But things are already looking good.
Yeah- just got it. owie!
Now they do vitals every ten minutes for half an hour and I'm on my merry way.
Getting here this morning was fun- flight to Charlotte, NC was about an hour and I think I did the head bobbin all the way there. Hey, I got up at 2am to leave at 2:45 to get to the airport, checked in, through security and on the plane by 5:25.
Then the 3 hour flight to Dallas from there... in a MIDDLE SEAT!!! argh! Sitting next to a guy who didn't seem to care that his elbow was practically halfway in my seat. So I was a tad uncomfortable... okay a LOT uncomfortable for 3 hours.
I DID get a sweet Ford Escape for the rental. Lipstick Red. It was the best deal for the day. Who knew?
So I am off to the hotel after this to rest up. I may get a chance to skype with my girls... hopefully it works this time. I had a major malfunction last time. Operator error I'm sure.
Oh- so did you want to know if anything was different? What the Docs say and stuff? I bet you doooooooo.....
The tumor in my abdomen seems to have not grown. If it has- it's not a signifigant amount. Hoo. Ray. Yes, I've lost weight, a whopping 6 pounds since I was here last. The doc says that the tumor isn't protruding as much as it was and since I've lost weight, she thinks that it would be MORE noticeable- but it isn't.
Is it the vaccine or dumb luck at this point? "They" say the vaccine won't work for at least 8 weeks. 4 more to go to get to that point. But things are already looking good.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Coming up on Round 2
Yesterday was a blur. I went to work- left to head to Lancaster for the last of my blood draws (that's about a 90 minute drive) I sat in the waiting room for about 20 minutes before I asked them how much longer it would be since they didn't look like they were doing anything at all. Evidently they "lost" me. Naturally that happens when I was in a hurry because I had to be in Marietta (2 hours from Lancaster) by 2:30pm. It only took a minute though.
So by the time I got to Marietta, they had my bloodwork from Lancaster so I didn't need a draw there too.
The doctor went over my numbers with me. Things look mostly good. My protien levels are good, blood counts are good, blood sugar, liver numbers and stuff= good. My iron is low, but that's going to happen since my body can't absorb it from food like it should. I'll be having an infusion next week when I get back from the 2nd shot. I've lost 10lbs since I was there last time (January 26?). That's really not horrible if you think about it- it was more than a month ago. Plus the Dr explained (especially to my sister) the weight loss to my sister and maybe everybody will get off my case about it now. Even if I lose another 30lbs I won't be crying about it if it's a gradual thing and I am technically healthy. I don't eat the amounts I used to and I don't LOOOOOOVE everything like I used to. Though I still want a friggin' Olive Garden salad.
I'm looking forward to the next shot... and the next and the next and so on. I can still feel this tumor in my abdomen but it's not scaring the shit out of me right now. I was seriously worried that I wouldn't be able to make it the 8 weeks waiting for the vaccine to work. Since it's almost 4 weeks down and I'm doing okay- I can breathe a little easier. Always on alert though.
So by the time I got to Marietta, they had my bloodwork from Lancaster so I didn't need a draw there too.
The doctor went over my numbers with me. Things look mostly good. My protien levels are good, blood counts are good, blood sugar, liver numbers and stuff= good. My iron is low, but that's going to happen since my body can't absorb it from food like it should. I'll be having an infusion next week when I get back from the 2nd shot. I've lost 10lbs since I was there last time (January 26?). That's really not horrible if you think about it- it was more than a month ago. Plus the Dr explained (especially to my sister) the weight loss to my sister and maybe everybody will get off my case about it now. Even if I lose another 30lbs I won't be crying about it if it's a gradual thing and I am technically healthy. I don't eat the amounts I used to and I don't LOOOOOOVE everything like I used to. Though I still want a friggin' Olive Garden salad.
I'm looking forward to the next shot... and the next and the next and so on. I can still feel this tumor in my abdomen but it's not scaring the shit out of me right now. I was seriously worried that I wouldn't be able to make it the 8 weeks waiting for the vaccine to work. Since it's almost 4 weeks down and I'm doing okay- I can breathe a little easier. Always on alert though.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Feelings... Nothing More Than Feelings...
Well- Today I feel good. I mean it. I was draggin' a bit this morning, but with the right balance of painkillers and coffee, I'm good to go. :)
I am kind of in a rush to get things organized for my next visit to Dallas... I should have had things done sooner I know, but I am a horrible procrastinator.
I am just now getting around to setting up a "Treatment" account at the credit union. I have people who are donating hotel rooms, plane tickets, airline vouchers and such and I need to get with the American Cancer Society about the 2 tickets they definitely cover (they only guarantee one set of 2 a year) that Jason and I will be using in May for the 3 day visit when I have the CT scans to look for vaccine progress.
It's a full time job to organize all these things and appointments and doctors and arrrggghhh!!!
I think every cancer patient should get a free accountant and secretary. Wouldn't that be nice?
I'll deal with the cancer, but can't someone else do all the legwork for me? har har. I'll just stay right here and sleep.
Okay- More notes of amazement and thanks: My Navy buddy, Jason has taken care of my April plane ticket with a Southwest Airlines free ticket. My other Navy buddy, Danny has taken care of $1,100 of the $2,000 for the March vaccine because of the Fundrazr site he set up on Facebook. My friend Stephanie is talking to a group she knows about covering some sort of expense that goes with treatment. And i just found out today that my April vaccine will be covered by a person who wishes to remain anonymous.
I don't even know what to say.
When I signed up for the vaccine- knowing that it would be $2,000 out of pocket for the vaccine alone, I was going over in my head how many I could actually GET before the money dried up and I would just have to bow out. But thanks to the overwhelming generosity of others, I'm more than halfway there. 3 of 5 vaccines covered.
I'm sure people will get sick of hearing my name before hearing "Can you help?" I want this vaccine to work for a lot of reasons... and that's one. Wearing out my welcome.
I get sick of hearing it too. I want to be on the other side of this debacle so I can be a survivor and in the position to help instead of the one needing help.
For now- I physically feel good. Mentally... Great. Ready to take on the world again.
And it has everything to do with drawing my strength from all the wonderful support I've gotten for so long.
Thank you.
I am kind of in a rush to get things organized for my next visit to Dallas... I should have had things done sooner I know, but I am a horrible procrastinator.
I am just now getting around to setting up a "Treatment" account at the credit union. I have people who are donating hotel rooms, plane tickets, airline vouchers and such and I need to get with the American Cancer Society about the 2 tickets they definitely cover (they only guarantee one set of 2 a year) that Jason and I will be using in May for the 3 day visit when I have the CT scans to look for vaccine progress.
It's a full time job to organize all these things and appointments and doctors and arrrggghhh!!!
I think every cancer patient should get a free accountant and secretary. Wouldn't that be nice?
I'll deal with the cancer, but can't someone else do all the legwork for me? har har. I'll just stay right here and sleep.
Okay- More notes of amazement and thanks: My Navy buddy, Jason has taken care of my April plane ticket with a Southwest Airlines free ticket. My other Navy buddy, Danny has taken care of $1,100 of the $2,000 for the March vaccine because of the Fundrazr site he set up on Facebook. My friend Stephanie is talking to a group she knows about covering some sort of expense that goes with treatment. And i just found out today that my April vaccine will be covered by a person who wishes to remain anonymous.
I don't even know what to say.
When I signed up for the vaccine- knowing that it would be $2,000 out of pocket for the vaccine alone, I was going over in my head how many I could actually GET before the money dried up and I would just have to bow out. But thanks to the overwhelming generosity of others, I'm more than halfway there. 3 of 5 vaccines covered.
I'm sure people will get sick of hearing my name before hearing "Can you help?" I want this vaccine to work for a lot of reasons... and that's one. Wearing out my welcome.
I get sick of hearing it too. I want to be on the other side of this debacle so I can be a survivor and in the position to help instead of the one needing help.
For now- I physically feel good. Mentally... Great. Ready to take on the world again.
And it has everything to do with drawing my strength from all the wonderful support I've gotten for so long.
Thank you.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Moving Along
I've been feeling a bit better the last few days. In my head at least. I still hurt but I think I've leapt over the the tired problem... maybe.
My potassium is low which makes me feel weak, causes cramps and mood issues.
I'm sure the fatigue will only lessen a bit because of how my life is- working early, nap in the afternoon, being a mom to a couple of crazy fun kids. I know I need sleep but I have to push myself through the 'less tired' times to be with my girls.
I'm still occasionally feeling pressure in my lower abdomen from the tumor. I don't know if it's growing, shrinking, staying the same or what. I have an appointment with my oncologist on Monday to go over what they think I need to do. I haven't heard from the surgeon in TX about what his take would be.
If this vaccine works fast enough to keep the tumor from doing any more damage to my insides I'll be happy. I do have faith that it will work. It's just how FAST it works- I hate waiting.
if I get any news to tell- I will pass it along.....
My potassium is low which makes me feel weak, causes cramps and mood issues.
I'm sure the fatigue will only lessen a bit because of how my life is- working early, nap in the afternoon, being a mom to a couple of crazy fun kids. I know I need sleep but I have to push myself through the 'less tired' times to be with my girls.
I'm still occasionally feeling pressure in my lower abdomen from the tumor. I don't know if it's growing, shrinking, staying the same or what. I have an appointment with my oncologist on Monday to go over what they think I need to do. I haven't heard from the surgeon in TX about what his take would be.
If this vaccine works fast enough to keep the tumor from doing any more damage to my insides I'll be happy. I do have faith that it will work. It's just how FAST it works- I hate waiting.
if I get any news to tell- I will pass it along.....
Friday, February 18, 2011
A Better Day
Maybe it's because it's Friday. Yeah right- I have no concept of "Wahoo- it's the weekend!!!" I'm just happy for each new day. Cheesy? Yeah, I know.
I will be calling the surgeon in Dallas today to see if he wants to remove the tumor. I am at peace with the idea of a colostomy bag if it means less pain and more time.
I feel considerably better than I have the last few days. I am still weak and I am still tired- but I am not hurting like I was. It's not even a hurt that I can describe. It's just pain. And like my friend Jenny said last night- being in constant pain can bring you down quicker than anything else. It's like having some jerk in your face telling you every waking minute that you're going to die. After so long- you start believing it- and you can either let it take you down or fight it.
I can tell you that it gets harder and harder to fight it with every failed treatment. With every meaningless round of chemo. With every unsuccessful surgery. With every recovery that I can't hold my kids. With every look in the mirror.
I have lost weight. I think around 20lbs. Now, I can't pinpoint the real reason. There are a lot of factors: I am making better choices when I'm eating. I cut out pop- my true weakness. I don't eat as much as I used to. Then there's the cancer.
All contributing I guess. It scares me a little, but I don't think I look sick... it's just dropping weight a little quicker than the average person I guess. I've heard that I look good with the weight off... rather than concern that I've lost weight you know? So when I hear close friends expressing concern over my looks I'll really worry. I NEEDED to lose weight anyway. I'm sure that there's a huge chance of diabetes just around the corner so let's try to NOT go there. I don't need that TOO.
Don't get me wrong- by the books I'm still overweight so no worries about being underweight. I guess I get to go out for a new wardrobe though. My pants are falling off. Or I'll just invest in suspenders. Uh- no.
Anyway- Fear not. I have emerged from my funk yet again.
I will be calling the surgeon in Dallas today to see if he wants to remove the tumor. I am at peace with the idea of a colostomy bag if it means less pain and more time.
I feel considerably better than I have the last few days. I am still weak and I am still tired- but I am not hurting like I was. It's not even a hurt that I can describe. It's just pain. And like my friend Jenny said last night- being in constant pain can bring you down quicker than anything else. It's like having some jerk in your face telling you every waking minute that you're going to die. After so long- you start believing it- and you can either let it take you down or fight it.
I can tell you that it gets harder and harder to fight it with every failed treatment. With every meaningless round of chemo. With every unsuccessful surgery. With every recovery that I can't hold my kids. With every look in the mirror.
I have lost weight. I think around 20lbs. Now, I can't pinpoint the real reason. There are a lot of factors: I am making better choices when I'm eating. I cut out pop- my true weakness. I don't eat as much as I used to. Then there's the cancer.
All contributing I guess. It scares me a little, but I don't think I look sick... it's just dropping weight a little quicker than the average person I guess. I've heard that I look good with the weight off... rather than concern that I've lost weight you know? So when I hear close friends expressing concern over my looks I'll really worry. I NEEDED to lose weight anyway. I'm sure that there's a huge chance of diabetes just around the corner so let's try to NOT go there. I don't need that TOO.
Don't get me wrong- by the books I'm still overweight so no worries about being underweight. I guess I get to go out for a new wardrobe though. My pants are falling off. Or I'll just invest in suspenders. Uh- no.
Anyway- Fear not. I have emerged from my funk yet again.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It would stand to reason...
..That being in a community of cancer patients that you're going to hear of too many who lose their battles. I am sad that I was not aware until THIS MORNING that Kirsten (http://cancersmancer.blogspot.com/) lost her battle with Hodgkins Lymphoma last week. R.I.P. Kirsten. You fought well.
Damn this disease. Damn it for everything it takes from us. I can't even relay to you how much I hate this disease. There are no words strong enough for it.
I had a horrible day yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night with a racing head. I get up a few times at night now to use the bathroom now because this big ass tumor is pushing on my bladder. Couldn't get back to sleep for an hour and a half. Couldn't wake up in time for work, went in an hour and a half late and couldn't even hold my eyes open when I was at work. I left in the middle of a meeting because I felt like my head was off. It's hard to describe... like I was ready to just shut completely down. Outwardly it looked like I was just tired or drunk or something, but it was a mess. As soon as dismissed myself form the meeting- I started crying hysterically and drove myself home. I am supposed to pick the girls up right after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays because my mother-in-law has 5 kids to take care of on those days (Iris being the oldest of them all). But I wasn't in any condition to go get them. I didn't even want to be on the road alone- I just needed to lay down.
My husband got the girls at around 2 and brought them home. I woke up to get things in order for Iris and to get Vera to take her nap. I went back to sleep. Iris woke me up a couple of times- but I ended up sleeping until 8pm. And could have kept sleeping if things hadn't needed done.
Who sleeps this much? I am sleeping my life away and only hearing my kids laughter in my dreams as they play with their Daddy in the other room.
*EFF* Cancer.
Damn this disease. Damn it for everything it takes from us. I can't even relay to you how much I hate this disease. There are no words strong enough for it.
I had a horrible day yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night with a racing head. I get up a few times at night now to use the bathroom now because this big ass tumor is pushing on my bladder. Couldn't get back to sleep for an hour and a half. Couldn't wake up in time for work, went in an hour and a half late and couldn't even hold my eyes open when I was at work. I left in the middle of a meeting because I felt like my head was off. It's hard to describe... like I was ready to just shut completely down. Outwardly it looked like I was just tired or drunk or something, but it was a mess. As soon as dismissed myself form the meeting- I started crying hysterically and drove myself home. I am supposed to pick the girls up right after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays because my mother-in-law has 5 kids to take care of on those days (Iris being the oldest of them all). But I wasn't in any condition to go get them. I didn't even want to be on the road alone- I just needed to lay down.
My husband got the girls at around 2 and brought them home. I woke up to get things in order for Iris and to get Vera to take her nap. I went back to sleep. Iris woke me up a couple of times- but I ended up sleeping until 8pm. And could have kept sleeping if things hadn't needed done.
Who sleeps this much? I am sleeping my life away and only hearing my kids laughter in my dreams as they play with their Daddy in the other room.
*EFF* Cancer.
Monday, February 14, 2011
One Week Later~~~~
I've been truly lazy. I have a computer at home, but didn't feel like going all the way downstairs to update my blog. How's that for lazy?
In my own defense- After the vaccine on Monday, blood draw on Tuesday then flying home, then driving for nearly 3 hours- round trip Wednesday, Thursday and Friday for blood draws- I am tired.
That's news, right? That I'm tired? Are you tired? Of hearing that? Me too.
So from the top... Tuesday I went for the blood draw in Dallas- then headed to Dallas Fort Worth Airport to drop off the rental car and catch my plane. Hm, the flight leaves @ 4:35 but my itenerary says 4:30. Now why can't I check in? Oh- because my plane leaves from Dallas LOVE FIELD... 30 MINUTES AWAY!! Grrrrr!!!!!
I booked the flight and didn't pay any attention. So I had to catch a cab and hope I got there with enough time to catch my plane or be stuck in Dallas for another day.
Luckily all went smoothly after that. Nice "Duh" moment though. I think I'll pay a bit more attention next time.
I got home no problem and my Dad met me at the airport. It took about 5 minutes for me to show him my new tattoo. He doesn't approve of tattoos but this is my 7th so he's not floored by it. Though he did lighten up a bit after I showed him what it was.
Are you wanting to see it?
If you're wondering where it is, it's on my right wrist. I wanted it to be my first real visible tat. That pic was taken about 1 minute after it was finished- so it looks SORE. Cuz it was. :) It's in the ick stage now- healing. Almost done.
Well- I'm sure you're wanting to know about the vaccine and effects and all that. I don't feel any different. I wish I did because I'd constantly think it's working. I had weird cramps for the first couple of days after the injection. The Center said it was common to get that with abdominal cancers after the shot- they don't know why though. Eh- I've had worse. I go back on March 7th. The next shot is covered too, from my Aunt's spaghetti dinner fundraiser and online help from the Fundrazr site my friend Danny set up. I just found out that a little church in rural Southern Ohio gave $500 to the dinner fundraiser. Bethel United Methodist Church- So nice of them. It is a tiny church and I'm sure that is no small chunk of change to them. Thank you to everyone who helped. I am humbled yet again.
Well, I'm headed to Lancaster today for another blood draw. Then next Monday, the next and then I'll be back in Dallas the Monday after that.
I am trying to "Juice" no, not sterroids, Juicing: a la Jack Lalane. I did 2 this weekend- "Make Juice, Not War" recipe from 'Crazy, Sexy Diet' (Thanks Cheryl) and I'll be making more today. Plus I'm going to try bee pollen in conjunction with all the other mayhem that should be boosting the hell out of my immune system.
It really can't happen soon enough. I know that if I had a flat stomach- you could plainly see the tumor in my lower abdomen. That is, if I showed it to you- I don't readily walk around with the area under my c-section scar exposed. Yeah- that's where it is. VERY uncomfortable. And it's not getting any smaller.
C'MON AND WORK, VACCINE!!!
Tick tock.
In my own defense- After the vaccine on Monday, blood draw on Tuesday then flying home, then driving for nearly 3 hours- round trip Wednesday, Thursday and Friday for blood draws- I am tired.
That's news, right? That I'm tired? Are you tired? Of hearing that? Me too.
So from the top... Tuesday I went for the blood draw in Dallas- then headed to Dallas Fort Worth Airport to drop off the rental car and catch my plane. Hm, the flight leaves @ 4:35 but my itenerary says 4:30. Now why can't I check in? Oh- because my plane leaves from Dallas LOVE FIELD... 30 MINUTES AWAY!! Grrrrr!!!!!
I booked the flight and didn't pay any attention. So I had to catch a cab and hope I got there with enough time to catch my plane or be stuck in Dallas for another day.
Luckily all went smoothly after that. Nice "Duh" moment though. I think I'll pay a bit more attention next time.
I got home no problem and my Dad met me at the airport. It took about 5 minutes for me to show him my new tattoo. He doesn't approve of tattoos but this is my 7th so he's not floored by it. Though he did lighten up a bit after I showed him what it was.
Are you wanting to see it?
Well- I'm sure you're wanting to know about the vaccine and effects and all that. I don't feel any different. I wish I did because I'd constantly think it's working. I had weird cramps for the first couple of days after the injection. The Center said it was common to get that with abdominal cancers after the shot- they don't know why though. Eh- I've had worse. I go back on March 7th. The next shot is covered too, from my Aunt's spaghetti dinner fundraiser and online help from the Fundrazr site my friend Danny set up. I just found out that a little church in rural Southern Ohio gave $500 to the dinner fundraiser. Bethel United Methodist Church- So nice of them. It is a tiny church and I'm sure that is no small chunk of change to them. Thank you to everyone who helped. I am humbled yet again.
Well, I'm headed to Lancaster today for another blood draw. Then next Monday, the next and then I'll be back in Dallas the Monday after that.
I am trying to "Juice" no, not sterroids, Juicing: a la Jack Lalane. I did 2 this weekend- "Make Juice, Not War" recipe from 'Crazy, Sexy Diet' (Thanks Cheryl) and I'll be making more today. Plus I'm going to try bee pollen in conjunction with all the other mayhem that should be boosting the hell out of my immune system.
It really can't happen soon enough. I know that if I had a flat stomach- you could plainly see the tumor in my lower abdomen. That is, if I showed it to you- I don't readily walk around with the area under my c-section scar exposed. Yeah- that's where it is. VERY uncomfortable. And it's not getting any smaller.
C'MON AND WORK, VACCINE!!!
Tick tock.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
It Has Been Done
I got the vaccine this afternoon.
I was very anxious to begin with, then it seemed like forever before I actually got the shot itself. The shot isn't actually on premises- it's in a lab about an hour away so they don't order it until I show up and get cleared for it. Then I wait.
The shot burned a bit, but I was thinking to myself "If you can handle getting a tattoo for an hour, you can handle a little discomfort that will save your life." After I got the shot, the nurses took vitals every 10 minutes for 30 minutes then I was free to go.
Easy enough.
My friend, Becky, fought cancer and she had a good point... She had a bone marrow transplant that saved her life. She said it was like having a blood transfusion. It saved her life- and that it's possible that something so 'simple' could be the answer and change the rest of your life.
I go tomorrow for a blood draw in Dallas, then I'll fly home. I will have a blood draw every day this week, then every Monday until the next shot. The lab where I have to get the blood draw is about an hour's drive from my house- but no worries.
I can't wait to get home to my beautiful girls. I miss them like crazy. Though it's been a fun week- I didn't stop missing them for one second. I even got a tattoo of their names so I can have them with me everywhere. That pic coming soon since this post is by phone.
Did I ever mention that this study only took 50 participants? And that I was number 50? Lucky indeed WHEN this works.
I was very anxious to begin with, then it seemed like forever before I actually got the shot itself. The shot isn't actually on premises- it's in a lab about an hour away so they don't order it until I show up and get cleared for it. Then I wait.
The shot burned a bit, but I was thinking to myself "If you can handle getting a tattoo for an hour, you can handle a little discomfort that will save your life." After I got the shot, the nurses took vitals every 10 minutes for 30 minutes then I was free to go.
Easy enough.
My friend, Becky, fought cancer and she had a good point... She had a bone marrow transplant that saved her life. She said it was like having a blood transfusion. It saved her life- and that it's possible that something so 'simple' could be the answer and change the rest of your life.
I go tomorrow for a blood draw in Dallas, then I'll fly home. I will have a blood draw every day this week, then every Monday until the next shot. The lab where I have to get the blood draw is about an hour's drive from my house- but no worries.
I can't wait to get home to my beautiful girls. I miss them like crazy. Though it's been a fun week- I didn't stop missing them for one second. I even got a tattoo of their names so I can have them with me everywhere. That pic coming soon since this post is by phone.
Did I ever mention that this study only took 50 participants? And that I was number 50? Lucky indeed WHEN this works.
Monday, February 7, 2011
I'm here.
I am sitting in the waiting room for the Mary Crowley Cancer Research Center at Medical City Hospital in Dallas.
Nervous.
I am trying to channel the postitive energy coming from friends from everywhere; my cell phone, FaceBook, home and so on.
I haven't felt too much pain from the tumors recently. I don't know that it is a GOOD thing... it's just weird. Hey, they could shrink on their own right? yeah, sure.
But it could have stopped growing... it could.
So I sit here and wait. I was hoping I could get in early and get this rolling.
Only 15 minutes now until my actual appointment time.
Hope to have something GREAT to tell you all soon.
Nervous.
I am trying to channel the postitive energy coming from friends from everywhere; my cell phone, FaceBook, home and so on.
I haven't felt too much pain from the tumors recently. I don't know that it is a GOOD thing... it's just weird. Hey, they could shrink on their own right? yeah, sure.
But it could have stopped growing... it could.
So I sit here and wait. I was hoping I could get in early and get this rolling.
Only 15 minutes now until my actual appointment time.
Hope to have something GREAT to tell you all soon.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Down Time= Not So Down.
Got to Austin Thursday afternoon after stopping on Hillsboro (just south of Dallas) because I was just too tired to keep driving. It was nasty and cold and I just wanted to lay down. It had been a long 2 days.
Thursday night we had dinner at a restaurant on Congress... I had the most delicious meal- stuffed tomatoes. I am going over the ingredients in my head repeatedly so I can try to replicate it when I get home.
Friday I basically slept all day. Really. Jamie went into work late because the roads were horrible so I was up with him until he left then went to bed. Then got up when he came home for lunch, then went back to bed, then got up about an hour before he came home at 7 because we were going to meet someone for dinner.
So today I slept in but I did get up and dressed and presentable before Jamie got home. Then Ferrell (Jamie's friend- now mine too) picked me up for a day out. We went to Dillard's for a facial, he bought me some facial treatment stuff to make me all pretty and he also bought me the lovely shoes that I was oogling on the way in.
After that we went to Congress St to walk the shops. It was beautiful out- about 60 degrees so it was perfect! We found some CUTE stuff and then had a little dinner. It was lots of fun hanging with him. We'd hung out a few times when I lived in Austin WAY back, but I never got to hang out one on one. He's wonderful!
Tomorrow is brunch and my new tat probably :) then I will head to Dallas on Monday morning. The Doc's appointment isn't until noon so I have plenty of time to get there. It's easier for me to do it first thing in the morning because by afternoon I need a nap.
Monday night I will be hanging with Hanner and his family again. SO nice to have wonderful friends. I will have been in Texas for 7 nights and only paid for a hotel room ONE of those nights. I am very lucky to have good friends.
Still a little anxious about what the doctor will say on Monday but it doesn't do me any good to stress about it now. So it was nice to be pampered a little today.
Thursday night we had dinner at a restaurant on Congress... I had the most delicious meal- stuffed tomatoes. I am going over the ingredients in my head repeatedly so I can try to replicate it when I get home.
Friday I basically slept all day. Really. Jamie went into work late because the roads were horrible so I was up with him until he left then went to bed. Then got up when he came home for lunch, then went back to bed, then got up about an hour before he came home at 7 because we were going to meet someone for dinner.
So today I slept in but I did get up and dressed and presentable before Jamie got home. Then Ferrell (Jamie's friend- now mine too) picked me up for a day out. We went to Dillard's for a facial, he bought me some facial treatment stuff to make me all pretty and he also bought me the lovely shoes that I was oogling on the way in.
After that we went to Congress St to walk the shops. It was beautiful out- about 60 degrees so it was perfect! We found some CUTE stuff and then had a little dinner. It was lots of fun hanging with him. We'd hung out a few times when I lived in Austin WAY back, but I never got to hang out one on one. He's wonderful!
Tomorrow is brunch and my new tat probably :) then I will head to Dallas on Monday morning. The Doc's appointment isn't until noon so I have plenty of time to get there. It's easier for me to do it first thing in the morning because by afternoon I need a nap.
Monday night I will be hanging with Hanner and his family again. SO nice to have wonderful friends. I will have been in Texas for 7 nights and only paid for a hotel room ONE of those nights. I am very lucky to have good friends.
Still a little anxious about what the doctor will say on Monday but it doesn't do me any good to stress about it now. So it was nice to be pampered a little today.
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